抱紧他

I didn't make it to the world premiere of Holding the man (2015) last Sunday in Sydney State Theater. But many friends went and spoke highly of. I did a quick check online and found out how influential the book has been ,basically the gay bible for Australian LGBT groups. Published in 1994, this auto-biography of Timothy Conigrave has shocked the whole Australia by its pure and real narration on homosexual love and also the description period in 1980s when HIV stroke Australia. And the play, adapted by Tommy Murphy in 2005, was also a legend in Australian theatre history, totally crash of ticket box wherever it toured. Not only has the play been on in almost every major cities in Australia and adapted by multiple theater companies such as Belvoir and Australia theater company, it also has made to London and LA for world tour. The legend continues for almost ten years and finally in 2014, director decided to adapt this story to big screen. While Tommy Murphy got rehired as screenplay writer and two hot popular Australian actors as lead, this movie has definitely become the most expected movie of the year. Audiences may get a bit worried due to the hyper successful play as a comparison. As a story about intimacy and delicate emotions, it could be much more easily demonstrated on a single stage with touching and smart dialogues. Fancy cinematographic work or extra mise-en scene could serve as minor importance in story-telling itself. But still, there are definitely more space to develop this romance in film.

It is the autobiography at first place that attracted most, with the real story of Timothy and his 15-year partners John holding hand together through bitter-sweet first love, sex, fights, disease and finally death.

I'm such kind of person who just cannot hold back my curiosity on such literary works. After searching online without finding new books to sell or ebook to download, I went down to the uni library and borrowed the only copy of Murphy's play. While unfortunately there was still no Timothy's work, it's worth reading the play first to see how he carried out this life-long story in a two-act play.

It didn't take me long to read, maybe 2 hours or so. But I was sort of blushed inbetween sometimes, imagining the actors talking so bluntly at stage, about the expression of love and sex. Murphy ingeniously separate the two acts with scenes of love and sorrow, making audiences smile or unable to stop laughing for some of humors at first but incredibly sad and may even cry out loud during the second set. Handful of casts but every role is just en-punto.

The very thing that touched me in this play is that the whole storyline and every details of love and conflicts are so real, which could happening any place or just next-door, but people just failed to notice how normal LGBT group is or how fragile true love is, as any types of groups or love. But all we could think about is "weird" "sissy""always fighting for marriage""unhealty life styles" or "HIV positive " and so on.

Three scenes in the play has left me strong impression.

The first one lie in the beginning when Tim wrote John the letter after their first date, talking about the erection he had and masturbation afterwords with the worry about the expression on sex could be so rush for a new couple. The monologue felt so bold yet cute when actually spoken out from a 16-year old schoolboy. While john is the one who actually read the letter with Tim adding up some of his feeling on the side, the audiences could definitely feel the chemistry and the beautiful blump in-between.

The second could be when Tim, in his puberty and freshly new in college, went throughout all these temptation in gay bar and gay peers. He gradually accepted the "non-monogamy or open relationship" theory and decided to separate with John for a while. He alleged that they are both "sexual inexperienced" due to long relationship with purely each other . I believe that most of the audiences and readers will feel the stupidity and ignorance of Tim to trying to sabotage this wonderful relationship and affection(which has been built up throughout the previous scenes). This can be a turning point of the play and indicated the heartbreaking ending, especially when Tim regretted to have infected AIDS to John and cried in front her mom for redemption. But ultimately it shocks me by putting out straightly and ruthlessly how fragile love could be when facing temptations and fresh inspirations.

My finally emotional outcry goes to a simple gesture or move instead a complete scene. Though I have to admit that the whole "finding out HIV positive" scenes is torturing and heartbreaking. The simple gesture that Tim "lifts up John's shirt with his mouth and snaked his head underneath it" when they lay on bed after the news and couldn't go to sleep. With too many briliant dialogues and plots in this play, this move had just crushed all the doubts and sadness about their relationship, leaving the ultimate intimacy and trust and treasure of each other. When that scene is supposed to be haunted with endless sorrow from on and off stage, this move has made us recall the beauty of love and support. Since in the play, the bed was hanging vertical above stage (audiences actually standing while leaning on the bed) , making audience have every move in sight. What's more, the design stage is lovely with the dim and lovely light around the bed on the dark and only some photos of their life together seen from behind. I can barely think of any better innovation in the film to surpass this scene.

Though over three theaters around Australia has their versions and actors for this play, I still adore the first pair in Belvoir Sydney, Guy Edmond and Matt Zeremes just got this absolute chemistry and original innocence on those two characters, though the Brisbane version got much handsome ones.

Anyway, looking forward to this film in August. I couldn't help but respecting Tommy Murphy as such a young successful playwright, hoping he could have more work on big screen as well.

      本来想要借着这个机会，盘点一下那些有“从两情相悦开始，再到一方乱搞，另一方痴痴爱恋”剧情的同志电影，后来发现这不仅是一个不小的工程，而且我的切入点也还没完全想好，所以只好先放弃这个想法先直接写对本片的感受好了。

      言归正传，就像我题目中提到的，这部电影花了很多笔墨铺垫一种走投无路的假象，记忆深刻的有几个地方：开篇Tim打电话时，身后空荡荡的街道和沉默无言的暮年老者、以及Tim在看到John切开胸腔痛苦的样子，之后他背对着镜头站在一条路的中央，而这条路已经到了尽头，它的前方是一片水域；还有电影首尾呼应的一个场景，Tim仰面躺在海水的中央，远离海岸线。如果你看过了电影，就会明白电影主人公所面对的状况有多么“糟糕”，但奇妙的是，电影却没有把重点纯粹放在悲剧当中，而是在悲剧中处处透着爱和不爱的斗争，然而爱总是胜出。

      这部电影讲述了一对挚爱起起伏伏的15年的感情故事，故事里有对自身疑惑，也有对自我的坚持，还有感情中可能会发生的种种矛盾，以及这段感情最终因为疾病不得不在惋惜中结束的怅惋。本片最打动我的情节是John已远去，然而因为生病，Tim处在在对珍爱一生的John的记忆即将消失的恐惧当中，电影用这样的情节牢牢地揪着观众的心，却猝不及防的用一句“John was beside you.”无比治愈的话让人泪流满面，满足的释然，说到底，电影的目的在于让观众深信并真切的体会到爱才是唯一的解药，爱也是唯一的出路。

       已经很久没有为一部同志电影如此难过了，Love's gonna bring you home。